The Narcissistic Abuse Cycle

A weekly series for upgraded members

We begin our weekly coverage of each of the terms in the popular lexicon of narcissistic abuse, with a focus on males experiencing it in committed relationships.

For a handy reference on any and all nuances of the phenomenology of this experience, go here:

https://www.youtube.com/@NARCDAILYYouAreNotAlone

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We are going to go beyond the popular defense techniques out there, to borrow directly from the Ancient Greek myth of Perseus and Medusa. See the following video to understand the story:

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The Cycle: “Love-bomb,” “Devalue,” then “Discard”

This is the official narcissistic cycle of abuse… “love bomb,” devalue, then discard.

The newly emerging psychological bane of society started being recognized and discussed on social media and YouTube.

Therapists have started looking at narcissism as not just being about the psychology of the solitary individual—to borrow from family systems theory and interpersonal and couples’ psychotherapy—they may start to examine narcissism for two instead of just one. One might wonder what dynamics occur between two people of similar narcissism levels versus those with vastly different levels (narcissistic abuse.)

What has emerged is a whole lexicon of universal behaviors seen in relationships in which there is one far more narcissistic person than another, and one in which a new term, “narcissistic abuse,” is being perpetrated.

A foundational concept in this new model is that there are three phases to this “narcissistic abuse cycle” that goes round and round for the more narcissistic person:

They “love bomb” their partner, showering false love and affection on them, as well as desire.

Then a long period of “devaluation” occurs, in which numerous insulting and manipulative tactics unconsciously or consciously get foisted upon the more virtuous and empathic person, depleting them, their money, energy, love, time and other personal resources over time.

This increases the social and financial worth of the narcissist over time and decreases those in the more virtuous and mature person to their severe detriment. Think of a vampire draining the blood of a victim, which is what the fokelore symbolism literally means in vampire and other monster stories of world culture throughout history.

Finally, in an often explosive and sudden relationship ending, the more virtuous, less narcissistic person is “discarded” without fanfare, abandoned, as Andrew Gilroy of YouTube’s NarcDaily often says, “Like a sheet of paper crumpled up and thrown away on the highway.”