Dr. Paul, if I may to comment on your answer for how being genuine relates to friendship:
Being genuine, in general, is about being sincere, not pretending, being true.
Being disingenuous, or dishonest with yourself, is about people hiding stuff they don't wish themselves or others to see. That is anxiety at root, plus making a decision to be a "survivalist". So when put on the spot, people might throw a smokescreen over their holes in the boundary, so that nobody can see the real them, and even their own Observing Ego sometimes can't see that they are doing it. (hiding stuff,pretending)
Impulsive response of people(fight or flight or freeze),when put on the spot, is kind of genuine, but for life&death situations, or the ones that feel like that.
What we are left with is:
You need courage in order to be honest. You need to choose courageous path to be truly genuine. To say what you believe to be true, and "let the chips fall where they may".
Finally, applied to friendships, it is now pretty straighforward.
Friendship as being consistent, mutual, shared, positive emotion(self-esteem).
If we are not genuine, we are then failing at sharing the confidence part of self-esteem equation. We are not able to encourage our friend. We also have poor boundaries (smokescreen of lies) which degrades the consistency, mutuality and positive emotions, too. And by not having a healthy Observing Ego, we cannot see the reasons behind why we are not a fit friend.
A book "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton comes to mind.
Yes this is a good analysis and I agree with the assessment that courage needs to be used to fix the boundaries and necessary lies of a person vulnerable to narcissism in others
I’m adopting your challenge of 30 restaurants in 30 days. With a few changes, 30 restaurants, 3 times a week with rain checks, breakfast, lunch and dinner, I like the idea of the periods of the day hat we honor food. There is a lovely Irish Pub in a gorgeous old building with a really old mahogany bar and mirrors, it’s the oldest independently owned restaurant in town, a fun place to get my Irish out! I don’t consume much alcohol but I totally respect a glass of Guinness with Shepherds’s Pie.
Thanks Dr. Paul and Mr. Fox, by the by Jeremy, the fox is a totem symbol of mine, I met ‘the fox’ in the early 1980’s, and it’s a really good story. Go well, Geraldine
Yes we can cover. I think being genuine has mindfulness or Observing ego to it for sure. As well as honesty, boundaries and good listening skills (which mindfulness helps greatly, being present).
Dr. Paul, if I may to comment on your answer for how being genuine relates to friendship:
Being genuine, in general, is about being sincere, not pretending, being true.
Being disingenuous, or dishonest with yourself, is about people hiding stuff they don't wish themselves or others to see. That is anxiety at root, plus making a decision to be a "survivalist". So when put on the spot, people might throw a smokescreen over their holes in the boundary, so that nobody can see the real them, and even their own Observing Ego sometimes can't see that they are doing it. (hiding stuff,pretending)
Impulsive response of people(fight or flight or freeze),when put on the spot, is kind of genuine, but for life&death situations, or the ones that feel like that.
What we are left with is:
You need courage in order to be honest. You need to choose courageous path to be truly genuine. To say what you believe to be true, and "let the chips fall where they may".
Finally, applied to friendships, it is now pretty straighforward.
Friendship as being consistent, mutual, shared, positive emotion(self-esteem).
If we are not genuine, we are then failing at sharing the confidence part of self-esteem equation. We are not able to encourage our friend. We also have poor boundaries (smokescreen of lies) which degrades the consistency, mutuality and positive emotions, too. And by not having a healthy Observing Ego, we cannot see the reasons behind why we are not a fit friend.
A book "Radical Honesty" by Brad Blanton comes to mind.
Yes this is a good analysis and I agree with the assessment that courage needs to be used to fix the boundaries and necessary lies of a person vulnerable to narcissism in others
Nice . . .!
I’m adopting your challenge of 30 restaurants in 30 days. With a few changes, 30 restaurants, 3 times a week with rain checks, breakfast, lunch and dinner, I like the idea of the periods of the day hat we honor food. There is a lovely Irish Pub in a gorgeous old building with a really old mahogany bar and mirrors, it’s the oldest independently owned restaurant in town, a fun place to get my Irish out! I don’t consume much alcohol but I totally respect a glass of Guinness with Shepherds’s Pie.
Thanks Dr. Paul and Mr. Fox, by the by Jeremy, the fox is a totem symbol of mine, I met ‘the fox’ in the early 1980’s, and it’s a really good story. Go well, Geraldine
I am so glad for you to try that out. It’s the most fun thing to discover or rediscover a city ever!
Yes we can cover. I think being genuine has mindfulness or Observing ego to it for sure. As well as honesty, boundaries and good listening skills (which mindfulness helps greatly, being present).
How is being genuine related to friendship (maybe you can answer in a Teleseminar)?